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Nine Reasons Why Parents are Weird

One: When an old rock song comes on the radio, they always begin to dance.

Two: Parents always say, “Look at that gorgeous sky.” Who looks at the sky? Interesting things are always on the ground.

Three: Parents like to take naps, like babies.

Four: Parents actually think it’s thrilling to go on a ten-mile hike or go to your third cousin Francine’s graduation ceremony.

Five: When you ask your parents, “Did you ever smoke a cigarette when you were a teenager?” they always change the subject.

Six: Parents like to look down at their brand new, extremely ugly shoes and say, “They’re unbelievably comfortable.”

Seven: Parents are certain you will break your neck if you (1) dive off a rock, (2) slide down a bannister, or (3) climb onto the roof of the garage.

Eight: parents like to tell you about their adorable childhood dog, Ralphie, how cute and smart he was, how he liked to sleep on the bed and lick their faces. Then when you ask, “Can I have a dog?” they say, “Absolutely not. Discussion over.”

Nine: Sometimes when you think your parents are going to get mad because you’ve just spilled a glass of chocolate milk on your new shirt, or because even though you studied you got only six out of ten on a spelling test, they look at you and say, “I love you.” Now that’s weird.